Aug 10, 2018

What if

i knew life is scary
and when i care about you too much, 
it even way scarier

it is because of the distance
the space that certain to happen
the miserable circumstances
when we are apart 

life is scary 
and when we are apart
it is scary enough to makes me
pray more than i used to

it terrifies me 
forces me to wonder
thousand and thousands unfortunate scenes of you
without me 

what if 
you drown
you fall
you leave
you are gone

i was suffering 
overdosed on overthinking

August 9th, 2018


When this feeling turns into words, it might sound so exaggerated
but really, tell me how could you best describe a heavy burden? 

Jul 10, 2018

The City

It was just me when i left everything behind
one and a half mile long Lincoln tunnel feels like a time machine,
when the sun started to rise as i reached Midtown
I took steps towards 8 avenue in the middle of 40th and 42nd street

It was just me when too many stares caught mine 
right at the famous Times Square in that ruby stairs
where the world seemed merged into one, 
those intense eyes convinced me that i was apart

It was just me when everything seemed like moving forward
I stopped for a second, one block away from Booth theatre
adjusting my breath which seemed not right back into its rhythm
under the moving screens where all sought for a spotlight,
i quietly asked world to slow down

It was just me try to keep on moving
entering the park from the northeast of Columbus Circle 
i laid down by the lake staring at the twin towers of the San Remo
questioning if it is true that everything has two sides,
should i savor this solitude instead?

It was just me when the sunset still looks magnificent
even though from this east coast, intimidated me
convinced me that nothing was ever mine

It was just me when i suddenly sank into despair.


This writing has been in my phone's note since my visit to the big apple last summer. 
Now i'm 10k miles away from there, i knew at some point i will miss how New York City daunt me.
Frank Sinatra might be partially right, when he said if you make it there you can make it anywhere
but it ain't always from the way this city makes you feel superior, in fact from my experience, it always left me feeling so small. but i guess that's okay,
because in order to stand up, it is not only about how many things inspire you but sometimes it is about how many things intimidate you.

Jun 28, 2018

Book I Read: May

Well, i know i'm far behind the schedule to post this. A lot going on this past may until mid June and it was tough yet exciting for me as i have finished my study and settled back in my home town till i realized it passed by way too fast. 

The thing around your neck
Author: Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Genre: Short stories / fiction

Lesley Nneka Arimah has brought me to this book, "What it means when a man falls from the sky" that i read last couple months, made me falling in love on how pretty and appealing African literatures are. There are 12 stories in this book and although all stories stand on their own, i found all generally depict the battle of inner thought of human between the reality they encountered as most of them are narrated by the main character's perspective. The stories range from a life lesson in prison, the racial and sexual bias in the life of African women, a woman's thought dealing with the inevitable long distance marriage anxiety, the promising glamorous American dream in every African perspective vs the reality and others i just cant describe it all. My favorite story in this book called "A private experience". With the background of huge "religious" riot, one igbo christian woman and one hausa muslim woman bumped into each other, took a refuge in an abandoned store and ended up sharing about motherhood. I personally like the idea how peace can actually be achieved when we let ourselves to get to know each other better and treat each other as only human regardless of different background. 
If you want to read good bold fictions, i really recommend you this book !